What's It Like Married To A Saint!

Gosh where do I start?....Everyone that knows my husband adores him.  My hairdresser calls him Saint Ivy.  It makes me laugh.  I met my husband almost 29 years ago.  The first thing I noticed was how nice and kind he was.   He's never changed in all these years.   I on the other hand have changed mentally, physically, and emotionally.  Living with someone who is Bi Polar is tough.  One of the first things to change with me was my weight.  Taking Bi Polar Meds made me FAT... Having no thyroid made me FAT FAT.  My husband never said anything when I weighted over 200 lbs.  When I had babies my husband would get up with the them so that I could get some sleep even though he had a full time job.  Later when my girls would be of school age he would bring them to school because he never knew if I had a manic night or not.   When I was sick for 7 years with thyroid cancer and I was in bed all the time, never once did he complain.  Now that I'm no longer sick and hitting the gym 6 days a week, 2 hours a day, he supports my exercise routine.   I don't like to cook so basically he does most of the cooking.   He will empty the dishwasher in the morning so I don't have to.  On weekens he let's me sleep late thing brings me coffee and the newpaper in bed.  On the weekens he will also do laundry.  I am cold natured because of hypothyroidism so at night my husband brings me my robe, puts socks on my feet, and covers me with a blanket.  During the night he always makes sure I'm covered as well as in the morning.  For Valentine, My Birthday, Mother's Day and Christmas he gives me what I love which is a gift certificate for a massage and a pedicure.  This past Christmas he gave me a thousand dollars cash and told me to go get a new computer and an I Pad that I had been wanting.   He knows I hate to go to the gas station so he will take my car and fill it up then wash it for me. His mom has dementia and for years he would help take care of her on the weekens at hour house  until she was too old to travel.   Did I tell you he works 2 jobs so that I don't have to.  Can't forget that he was President of the schoolboard at my children's school.  He also coached baseball and basketball for 2 of my daughters.  In  29 years I know I'm missing a lot but these are the things that I remember well.  Yes, I'm married to a Saint and I Love Him Dearly.

MY LIFE IT'S NOT ENOUGH, IT'S NEVER ENOUGH!

I walked 6 miles today on a treadmill on an incline of 8 at a speed of 3.8mph.  Tonight I cried as I thought nothing is ever good enough for Desiree.  After I cried I screamed to my husband that I was lost and I said I didn't know what my goals were anymore.  Then I yelled "MY LIFE IS'TS NOT ENOUGH, IT'S NEVER ENOUGH!" I have lost 57lbs this year and 72lbs from my highest weight when I got thyroid cancer.  I survived thyroid cancer and that's not enough?  I started to think about my life and what I have achieved.  I graduated highschool with a 3.8 gpa.  I worked and put myself through college.  I graduated college in 3 years in a 4 year degree program.  I landed a good job at Winn Dixie.  I became one of the first scanning managers.  I met and married a good and kind man.  I had 1 daughter but that wasn't good enough so I had another daughter but that wasn't good enough so I had a 3rd daughter but that wasn't good enough so I had a fourth daughter.  I finally thought I was satisfied with 4 daughters, but not until I could master the art of crochet.  But that wasn't good enough I had to master sewing.  But soon that wasn't good enough I soon master quilting, But then that wasn't good enough so I wrote a book.  Then that wasn't good enough so I started writing stories and blogging, but then that wasn't good enough so I joined the Twitter Word.  My tweets got favored and retweeted but soon that wasn't enough.  I then made You Tube videos but that wasn't enough. On top of all of this, I manage my Bi Polar disorder but that's not enough.Wait a minute, I haven't mention all the places I've been.  I've been to Florida, 3 cruises, I saw Cancun. I rode a jeep around that island. I been to Cozumel, I've been to the Bahamas, I swam with the sting rays in Grand Cayman, I hiked up the water fall in Jamaica.  I been to New York, San Francisco, Nappa Valley, San Diego, Vancouver, I took a train through the mountains of British Columbia, I rode the highest gondola in the world, I stayed  at the breathingtaking 4 Seasons, went horse back riding, rode a 4 wheeler up a mountain, went white water rafting.  Been to Washington  DC, Virginia, Tennesse, Williamsburg, and North Carolina,  Can't forgot about New York, Montreal, and finally Quebec. When will I be fulfilled?   When will it be enough?   Desiree Cart Dugas

"You Got You A Good Man Because He Don't Beat You"

"You Got You A Good Man Because He Don't Beat You", "WHAT DID SHE JUST SAY?"  Is what I thought.  Let me explain.  I was working side by side with this women making pizzas when she blurted out that statement to me.  This women was a hard worker and as nice as good be.  I'm college educated, but I have never worked with college educated people.  I always say a college degree means nothing if you can't get your ass out of the bed.  I'm now Bi Polar and not qualified to do anything.  I take that back, if I wasn't so nuts maybe I could have been a Psychologist because I know anything and everything about mental illness.  I even know about the drugs for mental illness because I've been on just about all of them and I know the side effects.  Getting back to that statement, well not before adding another statement, "I Bathe My Man." and she said that while taking a drag on her cigarette and adjusting her dentures.  WHAT DID SHE JUST SAY?".....Okay, Okay, Okay, the first statement...Oh, My, God, NOBODY has ever laid a hand on me except for my father when he smack the shit out of me for calling my sister a bitch. It was a joke.  My sister came home from work one night, peeked into my bedroom and said, "hi" and me being 16 simply said, "hi bitch".  My sister went tell my dad and the next thing I know is he came flying in my bedroom and smacked me right across the face before I even had a chance to explain.   Other than that, no boy or man ever laid a finger on me.  All I've ever dated were complete gentlemen, so I can't even fathom being abused.  I might be an abuser.  After thyroid cancer I went nuts. One day I lunged at my husband and knocked his hat off his head.  Then I chased him around the house with my arms swinging (no knife or anything). He had to jump in his car to get away from me.  I mean I went bonkers.  Then he came back to the house after an hour and everything was fine.  After talking to this women for awhile she told me how many men have abused her in the past but now she said she found  her a good one, so good that she BATHES HIM.   When she said she bathes her husband, I said, "What do you mean?"...She said she draws his hot bath, adds bubbles, and bathes her man. In my mind it sounds  like she is bathing a child.   If she sits on the outside of the tub while her husband is in the tub, sorry, that sounds like she is bathing a child. Let me tell you that is NEVER gunna happen in my house.  I CRINGE if my husband gets sick.  I'm not good with sick people unless they are my daughters.  My husband got sick last week. I gritted my teeth and said, "What can I get for you?" Of course I said that in a very surly tone.  I hurried up and gave him a cool rag, Advil, and water then ran out the room as fast as I could.   One time he showed me a splinter on his finger and I thought, "REALLY?" ... I just asked my husband how am I when you are sick?... He said, "What Witch?"....God, he knows me so well.  I just reread this blog and realized how lucky I am. I also notice that I jump from subject to subject. I'm not only Bi Polar but I would agree with my neighbor in that I'm ADD too.  If I had one word to describe my husband I would simply say "Kind".  So why am I so mean?...I don't have the answer for that.  I think I'm depressed a lot and it comes off as being mean..... Last thought before I go draw my OWN bath and take care of my OWN self,  thank god my husband takes showers.  The End~

Over Exercising?

Over Exercising?  Guilty, Guilty, Guilty.... I've been exercising since I was 22, I'm now 51.  In my 20's I did high impact aerobics which lasted an hour.  I would say 30 minutes of the class was aerobic and 30 minutes was leg lifts and sit ups or arm weights and sit ups.  I was content because I had a job where I walked for 8 hours a day.  In my 20's sugar didn't pass my lips.  My diet was sparse.  I would probably say it was close to being an anorexic.  My supper would be a can of vegetable soup and my snack would be hot air popcorn and diet tea.  I kept this diet until I got pregnant with my first child.  I remember being 8 months pregnant thinking I should treat myself to a milkshake.  All those years of dieting, I would never even consider a milkshake.  Now I'm 51, middle-aged, thyroid cancer survivor, and bi polar.  IF MY METABOLISM WAS ANY SLOWER I WOULD BE DEAD.  I got exercise fever this past Jan of 2014.  Before that I was riding my bike outdoors or walking the lakes at LSU but the problem was that I wouldn't sweat.  In Jan I found the the biggest Anytime Fitness in the area.  Every treadmill, elliptical machine, and bike had a tv mounted on it.  I was hooked.  I started walking an hour on an incline of 6 at a speed of 3.8mph.  I pushed that up a few months later to an hour and fifteen minutes, then a few months later I pushed it up to an hour and a half on the treadmill still at an incline of 6 at a speed of 3.8mph.  Recently I added the elliptical for 30 minutes.  So my lastest routine is 1 hour and 20 minutes on the treadmill (I could easily walk 1 hour and 30 minutes) but for now I'm just walking the hour and 20 minutes which burns 719 calories,  I burn 300 calories on the elliptical which makes a grand totak 1019 calories burned, WHICH IS RIDICULOUS.  I just saw my Endogrinologist last week and he was grinning ear to ear.  He was so proud of my weight loss which was 43lbs since Jan but 58lbs since Thyroid Cancer 9 years ago.  My doctor told me I couldn't get any healthier and that if I were to lose more weight he would be purely for cosmetic reasons.  I want to keep my doctor happy and I wanted to prove that I  could lose even more weight.  I don't know where to cut out on my food intake so the only thing I know how to do is Over Exercise.  My daughter who is a personal trainer told me I had to start using weights but I'm hard headed, the only thing I can focus is how many calories I burned.  I have a plan if I could only do it.  My plan would be to walk an hour, elliptical for 30 minutes, then 30 minutes of weights which would give me 820 calories burned and not the 1019 calories I want.  This blog was wrote a few days ago.  I just got back from shopping for clothes.  Since Thyroid Cancer I have gone down 3 dress sizes and 3 pant sizes.  Oh, My, God.... UNBELIEVEABLE!!!  Stay Tuned~Desiree Cart Dugas

I Had A "Whitney Houston" Moment

DESIREE!!!....It's true, I don't know what else to call it. This story is short but it's been bothering me for weeks.  Most people know that I have a Sleep Obsession.  I talk about it in my memoir.  I'm embarrassed to say what it takes for me to go to sleep.  Let's just say I don't know how it is to go to sleep without pills.  I suffer with a Bi Polar disorder.  As I've gotten older it has taken more and more to put me to sleep.  Right now I take 500mg of Seroquel, 10mg of Ambien, 1mg of Xanax and 80mg of Geoddon all in one big gulp with water.  Normally this and my daily exercise is good enough to put me to sleep.  Well, the another night it was not... What happened is I had taken my nighttime meds at around 11:00pm.   I had over-exercised and my legs just wouldn't calm down.  I guess that's what they call restless leg syndrome.  By 2:00am I was so damn aggravated that I kept getting up and down but I couldn't relax enough to go to sleep.  So what I did was I took another 1mg of Xanax and downed a glass of wine.  WHAT?... Oh, it gets worst, I decided to fill my bath tub with hot water and bubbles.  I jumped into the tub and leaned my head back.  The next thing I know is I nodded off and I started slowly sinking under the water.  I don't know what woke me up.  OMG is RIGHT!!!  I Had A "Whitney Houston" Moment.  Thank God I have some kind of guardian angel that's looking out for my dumbass self.  I could have easily been a goner.  The End~

POETRY AND POLITICS

I don't think I understand either one.  Let me first talk about Poetry.  Now that I'm older I have to say I understand poems better.  I remember when I was in highschool, there was this English teacher who loved Poetry.  When she would read a poem out loud  to the class her eyes would flutter and role back.  She would say, "Listen to these words, aren't they beautiful?"...I can't remember any one particular poem, I just remember thinking to myself, "I don't know what the hell this poem means."  What made me think about poems was.... I watched a documentary on Stevie Nicks.  The way she wrote songs was to grab her book on poetry and then add music and melody.  Of course Stevie Nicks is not the only person that uses poetry to write a song.  I guess songs can be lumped into 2 groups.  Songs that tell a story or Songs with a bunch of words that don't make sense.  Ain't that right BEATLES?  Come Together "He bag production, he got walrus gumboot, He got ono sideboard, he one spinal cracker." .... How about I Am The Walrus "I am the eggman, They are the eggmen, I am the Walrus Goo goo g' joob"....Getting back to Stevie Nicks, probably my favorite song is On The Edge Of Seventeen... I catch myself riding in the car with the windows down, sunroof open singing, "Just like the white winged dove, sings a song, sounds like she singing ooo, ooo, ooo".....Then when it gets to the part that says, "He was no more than a baby then".... I stop singing, I think to myself, "Is Stevie taking about a 16 year old boy?"... Then I change the channel on the radio.  Now onto Politics.  Let me just say I can't make a sentence using the words Bi Partisan or Filabuster.  I also wasn't into politics until my 40's and my voting record is shoddy.  Let's leave it at that.  The End~

I Wore White To A Wedding That Wasn't Mine~SAY IT ISN'T SO!

I was 23 or 24 years old, not much money, and my mom wasn't around to teach me such lessons.  The year when I was 23 or 24, I was invited to a lot of weddings.  So one day I asked my soon to be sister-in-law if I could borrow some of her dresses.  I was single at the time making good money but somehow I thought I didn't have money on account of how I was raised.  My dad was a tightwad, I literally owned 3 shirts and 2 pair of pants that were wearable.  The rest of my clothes were hand me downs from Aunt Maude.  Get the picture?  I had 4 back to back weddings in one month.  My soon to be sister-in-law gave me 4 dresses one of them being white.  As I was heading to the 4th wedding I kept thinking to myself, "I don't think I should be wearing white but it's too late to get another dress for this out of town wedding, it's just too late I'm stuck." I  was getting out of my car, when my face went flush.  That's when it hit me that I should have worn black underwear ONLY before wearing white when you are not the bride.  I sat in middle of the wedding with  all eyes on me and my white dress.  OMG I never felt so humiliated in my life.   I should have ditched the reception but I was too stupid to do even that,  besides my fiancée was in the wedding party.  I bet you thought it couldn't get worse?...... And it did.  There was me in a flouncy 1980's  white party dress and my 1980's permed and teased hair.  I walked around that reception with my head down and my eyes cast to the ground in full shame.  If I had to do it over I would have stayed in the bathroom until it was over.  Live and Learn until you are too old to give a shit about humiliation.  The end~