The Birds & The Birds!

This story is to be added to my last blog~Hooray, My Prom Date Was Gay!...... I really never heard the story~~"The Birds & The Bees"~~  I just assumed the Bird represented a Male.  The first time I heard "The Facts Of Life" was on a School Bus when I was in 3rd grade.  This big girl who smelled of egg salad and looked like she might be the daughter of Nanny McPhee explained the entire story in detail using really foul laungage.  Hooray for Public Schools!....Fastforward 8 years I am attending a community college the summer before my senior year of highschool.  I wasn't smart or anything, but my dad "Felix Unger" who's facial features really look like a cross between Dan Rather & Mike Wallace.  I call him "Felix Unger" because he's a neat freak like Felix(The Odd Couple) and it just plain makes me laugh. Well "Felix Unger" hated the word RELAXTION and forced us kids to spend our summers in Trade School, Working, or Taking College courses.  I did all three. When I was at community college that summer of my junior year there was this guy, I like to call Captain Dapper Dan.  This was the summer of 1980.  Captain Dapper Dan was only 20 attending this community college, but he looked like he was 40.  He would wear a navy blue blazer, a pink shirt, white pants and white shoes.  He always looked like he just stepped off his Yacht.  He kept asking me for a date that entire summer.  I finally said yes because I didn't know what else to do, and I just hate to hurt people's feelings.  Well Captain Dapper Dan comes to my house driving a sports car.  He brings me a dozen long stemmed red roses.  He opens the car door.  He takes me to a nice restaurant and dancing.  Captain Dapper Dan returns me home safely by 11:00pm.  The next day a dozen peach SILK roses in a brass vase is delivered to my house.  "Felix Unger" can't understand why I refused to go on another date with Captain Dapper Dan.  I said, "Felix, he's Gay".  "Felix says, "that's good because with that kinda of exhuburance for life, he will go far".  I honestly don't think "Felix" knew what Gay meant. Let me rephrase that, he and his generation and like generations before, all knew, but so repressed the idea, that they thought they could just WILL it away.  "Out of sight, Out of mind" kinda thing. "Sweep iIt Under The Rug" I always say.   I finally said, "Dad, this situtation will never be about the "Birds & The Bees.... It will only be about The Birds & The Birds"... The End