From Lavender to the DEAD SEA!

I needed a face lift, that's when a 49 year old woman gets their eyebrows waxed when the can't even SEE their eyebrows.  I stop at the nearest Wing Wang Woo Woolaxing Nail Salon.  I opened the door and thought, "Wow..... Nice.... and it Smells like a Spa.... LOVE LAVENDER.  Drag Queen takes me to the back of the salon, I was hoping he was going to wax my eyebrows because his looked AWESOME...but Brittney (I really don't think that was her name, but that's what her name tag said) would do the honors.  I thought to myself, 'WHAT IS THAT SMELL?" like Seinfeld would say.  It smelled like Dead Hermit Crabs.  I mean it smelled like Lavender when I first walked in  then in 2 seconds it turned into the DEAD SEA...Maybe they sell shwimp out the back door or they where shucking oysters on the side, who knows but I was completly turned off.  I though, "Desiree this will take 5 minutes, you can old your breath that long or even Longer since the holidays are making you depressed anyway."  So Brittney tries to make small talk, but her English was so bad, poor thing, I would just nod. I made the mistake of saying I had 4 daughters and I guess she saw $$$$.  Not only did I get the DEAD SEA EYEBROW WAXING, I got the DEAD SEA FACIAL MASSAGE.  Nobody has EVER massaged my face for a simple Eyebrow Waxing.  There was Britteny massaging the Dead Hermit Crab Aroma up my nostrils, around my eyes, behind my ears, down my throat.  My paranoia & anxiety kicked in, and I thought to myself, "Is she fixing to Kung Foo Me, Put Me To Sleep, Then Sell Me From Back Door Into The Sex Slave Industry?"...."DESIREE, YOU ARE WATCHING WAY  TOO MANY DOCUMENTARIES, PLUS HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN YOUR AGE?...YOU ARE LIKE 35 YEARS TO LATE FOR THAT THERE SEX SLAVE INDUSTRY"..... "That's right I said to myself", I will talk to my Psychiatrist next week and tell him my paranio is out of control again......Can you imagine the conversation. "Brittney try to Kung Foo Me, Put Me To Sleep and Sell Me As A Sex Slave After I Shucked Oysters..Dr Blanche." ...He will say, "We no longer do Shock Therapy, but I can give you the names of a couple of Doctors that do, in the mean time we can increase your Seroquel".....I will say, "Thank Woo Dr. Blanche, Scratch Off THE DEAD SEA Off My Buket List....I'VE BEEN THERE AND LIVED TO WRITE ABOUT IT"...The End~