What's It Like Married To A Saint!

Gosh where do I start?....Everyone that knows my husband adores him.  My hairdresser calls him Saint Ivy.  It makes me laugh.  I met my husband almost 29 years ago.  The first thing I noticed was how nice and kind he was.   He's never changed in all these years.   I on the other hand have changed mentally, physically, and emotionally.  Living with someone who is Bi Polar is tough.  One of the first things to change with me was my weight.  Taking Bi Polar Meds made me FAT... Having no thyroid made me FAT FAT.  My husband never said anything when I weighted over 200 lbs.  When I had babies my husband would get up with the them so that I could get some sleep even though he had a full time job.  Later when my girls would be of school age he would bring them to school because he never knew if I had a manic night or not.   When I was sick for 7 years with thyroid cancer and I was in bed all the time, never once did he complain.  Now that I'm no longer sick and hitting the gym 6 days a week, 2 hours a day, he supports my exercise routine.   I don't like to cook so basically he does most of the cooking.   He will empty the dishwasher in the morning so I don't have to.  On weekens he let's me sleep late thing brings me coffee and the newpaper in bed.  On the weekens he will also do laundry.  I am cold natured because of hypothyroidism so at night my husband brings me my robe, puts socks on my feet, and covers me with a blanket.  During the night he always makes sure I'm covered as well as in the morning.  For Valentine, My Birthday, Mother's Day and Christmas he gives me what I love which is a gift certificate for a massage and a pedicure.  This past Christmas he gave me a thousand dollars cash and told me to go get a new computer and an I Pad that I had been wanting.   He knows I hate to go to the gas station so he will take my car and fill it up then wash it for me. His mom has dementia and for years he would help take care of her on the weekens at hour house  until she was too old to travel.   Did I tell you he works 2 jobs so that I don't have to.  Can't forget that he was President of the schoolboard at my children's school.  He also coached baseball and basketball for 2 of my daughters.  In  29 years I know I'm missing a lot but these are the things that I remember well.  Yes, I'm married to a Saint and I Love Him Dearly.

MY LIFE IT'S NOT ENOUGH, IT'S NEVER ENOUGH!

I walked 6 miles today on a treadmill on an incline of 8 at a speed of 3.8mph.  Tonight I cried as I thought nothing is ever good enough for Desiree.  After I cried I screamed to my husband that I was lost and I said I didn't know what my goals were anymore.  Then I yelled "MY LIFE IS'TS NOT ENOUGH, IT'S NEVER ENOUGH!" I have lost 57lbs this year and 72lbs from my highest weight when I got thyroid cancer.  I survived thyroid cancer and that's not enough?  I started to think about my life and what I have achieved.  I graduated highschool with a 3.8 gpa.  I worked and put myself through college.  I graduated college in 3 years in a 4 year degree program.  I landed a good job at Winn Dixie.  I became one of the first scanning managers.  I met and married a good and kind man.  I had 1 daughter but that wasn't good enough so I had another daughter but that wasn't good enough so I had a 3rd daughter but that wasn't good enough so I had a fourth daughter.  I finally thought I was satisfied with 4 daughters, but not until I could master the art of crochet.  But that wasn't good enough I had to master sewing.  But soon that wasn't good enough I soon master quilting, But then that wasn't good enough so I wrote a book.  Then that wasn't good enough so I started writing stories and blogging, but then that wasn't good enough so I joined the Twitter Word.  My tweets got favored and retweeted but soon that wasn't enough.  I then made You Tube videos but that wasn't enough. On top of all of this, I manage my Bi Polar disorder but that's not enough.Wait a minute, I haven't mention all the places I've been.  I've been to Florida, 3 cruises, I saw Cancun. I rode a jeep around that island. I been to Cozumel, I've been to the Bahamas, I swam with the sting rays in Grand Cayman, I hiked up the water fall in Jamaica.  I been to New York, San Francisco, Nappa Valley, San Diego, Vancouver, I took a train through the mountains of British Columbia, I rode the highest gondola in the world, I stayed  at the breathingtaking 4 Seasons, went horse back riding, rode a 4 wheeler up a mountain, went white water rafting.  Been to Washington  DC, Virginia, Tennesse, Williamsburg, and North Carolina,  Can't forgot about New York, Montreal, and finally Quebec. When will I be fulfilled?   When will it be enough?   Desiree Cart Dugas

"You Got You A Good Man Because He Don't Beat You"

"You Got You A Good Man Because He Don't Beat You", "WHAT DID SHE JUST SAY?"  Is what I thought.  Let me explain.  I was working side by side with this women making pizzas when she blurted out that statement to me.  This women was a hard worker and as nice as good be.  I'm college educated, but I have never worked with college educated people.  I always say a college degree means nothing if you can't get your ass out of the bed.  I'm now Bi Polar and not qualified to do anything.  I take that back, if I wasn't so nuts maybe I could have been a Psychologist because I know anything and everything about mental illness.  I even know about the drugs for mental illness because I've been on just about all of them and I know the side effects.  Getting back to that statement, well not before adding another statement, "I Bathe My Man." and she said that while taking a drag on her cigarette and adjusting her dentures.  WHAT DID SHE JUST SAY?".....Okay, Okay, Okay, the first statement...Oh, My, God, NOBODY has ever laid a hand on me except for my father when he smack the shit out of me for calling my sister a bitch. It was a joke.  My sister came home from work one night, peeked into my bedroom and said, "hi" and me being 16 simply said, "hi bitch".  My sister went tell my dad and the next thing I know is he came flying in my bedroom and smacked me right across the face before I even had a chance to explain.   Other than that, no boy or man ever laid a finger on me.  All I've ever dated were complete gentlemen, so I can't even fathom being abused.  I might be an abuser.  After thyroid cancer I went nuts. One day I lunged at my husband and knocked his hat off his head.  Then I chased him around the house with my arms swinging (no knife or anything). He had to jump in his car to get away from me.  I mean I went bonkers.  Then he came back to the house after an hour and everything was fine.  After talking to this women for awhile she told me how many men have abused her in the past but now she said she found  her a good one, so good that she BATHES HIM.   When she said she bathes her husband, I said, "What do you mean?"...She said she draws his hot bath, adds bubbles, and bathes her man. In my mind it sounds  like she is bathing a child.   If she sits on the outside of the tub while her husband is in the tub, sorry, that sounds like she is bathing a child. Let me tell you that is NEVER gunna happen in my house.  I CRINGE if my husband gets sick.  I'm not good with sick people unless they are my daughters.  My husband got sick last week. I gritted my teeth and said, "What can I get for you?" Of course I said that in a very surly tone.  I hurried up and gave him a cool rag, Advil, and water then ran out the room as fast as I could.   One time he showed me a splinter on his finger and I thought, "REALLY?" ... I just asked my husband how am I when you are sick?... He said, "What Witch?"....God, he knows me so well.  I just reread this blog and realized how lucky I am. I also notice that I jump from subject to subject. I'm not only Bi Polar but I would agree with my neighbor in that I'm ADD too.  If I had one word to describe my husband I would simply say "Kind".  So why am I so mean?...I don't have the answer for that.  I think I'm depressed a lot and it comes off as being mean..... Last thought before I go draw my OWN bath and take care of my OWN self,  thank god my husband takes showers.  The End~

Over Exercising?

Over Exercising?  Guilty, Guilty, Guilty.... I've been exercising since I was 22, I'm now 51.  In my 20's I did high impact aerobics which lasted an hour.  I would say 30 minutes of the class was aerobic and 30 minutes was leg lifts and sit ups or arm weights and sit ups.  I was content because I had a job where I walked for 8 hours a day.  In my 20's sugar didn't pass my lips.  My diet was sparse.  I would probably say it was close to being an anorexic.  My supper would be a can of vegetable soup and my snack would be hot air popcorn and diet tea.  I kept this diet until I got pregnant with my first child.  I remember being 8 months pregnant thinking I should treat myself to a milkshake.  All those years of dieting, I would never even consider a milkshake.  Now I'm 51, middle-aged, thyroid cancer survivor, and bi polar.  IF MY METABOLISM WAS ANY SLOWER I WOULD BE DEAD.  I got exercise fever this past Jan of 2014.  Before that I was riding my bike outdoors or walking the lakes at LSU but the problem was that I wouldn't sweat.  In Jan I found the the biggest Anytime Fitness in the area.  Every treadmill, elliptical machine, and bike had a tv mounted on it.  I was hooked.  I started walking an hour on an incline of 6 at a speed of 3.8mph.  I pushed that up a few months later to an hour and fifteen minutes, then a few months later I pushed it up to an hour and a half on the treadmill still at an incline of 6 at a speed of 3.8mph.  Recently I added the elliptical for 30 minutes.  So my lastest routine is 1 hour and 20 minutes on the treadmill (I could easily walk 1 hour and 30 minutes) but for now I'm just walking the hour and 20 minutes which burns 719 calories,  I burn 300 calories on the elliptical which makes a grand totak 1019 calories burned, WHICH IS RIDICULOUS.  I just saw my Endogrinologist last week and he was grinning ear to ear.  He was so proud of my weight loss which was 43lbs since Jan but 58lbs since Thyroid Cancer 9 years ago.  My doctor told me I couldn't get any healthier and that if I were to lose more weight he would be purely for cosmetic reasons.  I want to keep my doctor happy and I wanted to prove that I  could lose even more weight.  I don't know where to cut out on my food intake so the only thing I know how to do is Over Exercise.  My daughter who is a personal trainer told me I had to start using weights but I'm hard headed, the only thing I can focus is how many calories I burned.  I have a plan if I could only do it.  My plan would be to walk an hour, elliptical for 30 minutes, then 30 minutes of weights which would give me 820 calories burned and not the 1019 calories I want.  This blog was wrote a few days ago.  I just got back from shopping for clothes.  Since Thyroid Cancer I have gone down 3 dress sizes and 3 pant sizes.  Oh, My, God.... UNBELIEVEABLE!!!  Stay Tuned~Desiree Cart Dugas

I Had A "Whitney Houston" Moment

DESIREE!!!....It's true, I don't know what else to call it. This story is short but it's been bothering me for weeks.  Most people know that I have a Sleep Obsession.  I talk about it in my memoir.  I'm embarrassed to say what it takes for me to go to sleep.  Let's just say I don't know how it is to go to sleep without pills.  I suffer with a Bi Polar disorder.  As I've gotten older it has taken more and more to put me to sleep.  Right now I take 500mg of Seroquel, 10mg of Ambien, 1mg of Xanax and 80mg of Geoddon all in one big gulp with water.  Normally this and my daily exercise is good enough to put me to sleep.  Well, the another night it was not... What happened is I had taken my nighttime meds at around 11:00pm.   I had over-exercised and my legs just wouldn't calm down.  I guess that's what they call restless leg syndrome.  By 2:00am I was so damn aggravated that I kept getting up and down but I couldn't relax enough to go to sleep.  So what I did was I took another 1mg of Xanax and downed a glass of wine.  WHAT?... Oh, it gets worst, I decided to fill my bath tub with hot water and bubbles.  I jumped into the tub and leaned my head back.  The next thing I know is I nodded off and I started slowly sinking under the water.  I don't know what woke me up.  OMG is RIGHT!!!  I Had A "Whitney Houston" Moment.  Thank God I have some kind of guardian angel that's looking out for my dumbass self.  I could have easily been a goner.  The End~

POETRY AND POLITICS

I don't think I understand either one.  Let me first talk about Poetry.  Now that I'm older I have to say I understand poems better.  I remember when I was in highschool, there was this English teacher who loved Poetry.  When she would read a poem out loud  to the class her eyes would flutter and role back.  She would say, "Listen to these words, aren't they beautiful?"...I can't remember any one particular poem, I just remember thinking to myself, "I don't know what the hell this poem means."  What made me think about poems was.... I watched a documentary on Stevie Nicks.  The way she wrote songs was to grab her book on poetry and then add music and melody.  Of course Stevie Nicks is not the only person that uses poetry to write a song.  I guess songs can be lumped into 2 groups.  Songs that tell a story or Songs with a bunch of words that don't make sense.  Ain't that right BEATLES?  Come Together "He bag production, he got walrus gumboot, He got ono sideboard, he one spinal cracker." .... How about I Am The Walrus "I am the eggman, They are the eggmen, I am the Walrus Goo goo g' joob"....Getting back to Stevie Nicks, probably my favorite song is On The Edge Of Seventeen... I catch myself riding in the car with the windows down, sunroof open singing, "Just like the white winged dove, sings a song, sounds like she singing ooo, ooo, ooo".....Then when it gets to the part that says, "He was no more than a baby then".... I stop singing, I think to myself, "Is Stevie taking about a 16 year old boy?"... Then I change the channel on the radio.  Now onto Politics.  Let me just say I can't make a sentence using the words Bi Partisan or Filabuster.  I also wasn't into politics until my 40's and my voting record is shoddy.  Let's leave it at that.  The End~

I Wore White To A Wedding That Wasn't Mine~SAY IT ISN'T SO!

I was 23 or 24 years old, not much money, and my mom wasn't around to teach me such lessons.  The year when I was 23 or 24, I was invited to a lot of weddings.  So one day I asked my soon to be sister-in-law if I could borrow some of her dresses.  I was single at the time making good money but somehow I thought I didn't have money on account of how I was raised.  My dad was a tightwad, I literally owned 3 shirts and 2 pair of pants that were wearable.  The rest of my clothes were hand me downs from Aunt Maude.  Get the picture?  I had 4 back to back weddings in one month.  My soon to be sister-in-law gave me 4 dresses one of them being white.  As I was heading to the 4th wedding I kept thinking to myself, "I don't think I should be wearing white but it's too late to get another dress for this out of town wedding, it's just too late I'm stuck." I  was getting out of my car, when my face went flush.  That's when it hit me that I should have worn black underwear ONLY before wearing white when you are not the bride.  I sat in middle of the wedding with  all eyes on me and my white dress.  OMG I never felt so humiliated in my life.   I should have ditched the reception but I was too stupid to do even that,  besides my fiancée was in the wedding party.  I bet you thought it couldn't get worse?...... And it did.  There was me in a flouncy 1980's  white party dress and my 1980's permed and teased hair.  I walked around that reception with my head down and my eyes cast to the ground in full shame.  If I had to do it over I would have stayed in the bathroom until it was over.  Live and Learn until you are too old to give a shit about humiliation.  The end~

A 6'5" Black Guy Came On To Me At The Gym!

Boy was I flattered today.  As I was leaving the gym this tall black guy started making small talk and held the door for me as I was walking out.  I don't know if he was feeling sorry for me because I'm the only middle-aged white women working out so hard at the gym or he was just nice.  I'm fucking killing myself if you want to know the truth. Maybe he was watching me the whole time. People hop on and off a treadmill after a 20 minute run and there's me still fucking walking and walking and. walking ...50 minutes today on a 5 level incline.   And that is after I did the elliptical for 30 minutes.  I didn't look the black guy in the eye, I kinda looked down because my make-up was long gone with some small traces of smeared mascara on my face.  I wear a head band around my head like it was the 80's and I do that because it helps catch some of the sweat.  Walking to my car I shouted out to the black dude that I was Bi Polar and that Psych Meds made me Fat and I have No Thyroid.  I wanted him to know I didn't have a problem with food because I would never want to be known as a Foodie.  The End~

My F@#king Running Shoes!

My mood is pissy today all because of my f@#king running shoes.  Let me first say that I walk and do not run.  I try to walk 3 God Damn Miles 5 days a week.  I call them God Damn Miles because when you are walking on a treadmill to nowhere for an hour it's pretty much God Damn Miles.  I had the prettiest black running shoes with turquoise soles and turquoise shoelaces.  I LOVED THEM!.. I happened to look inside my shoe and noticed plastic showing.  On the outside of my shoe they looked almost new, but I had to get a new pair because of the inside.  Let me second say I hate to shop!....I am an impulse buyer, you will never catch me going to a store to browse...NEVER!!!...My whole day revolves around my getting my walk in for the day.  So when I have to run errands, my stress level goes up.  It's the same when I go grocery shopping, another thing I HATE!.. I walk very fast and I push my shopping cart with a vengeance.  I run into people all the time, under my breath I say, "get out of my f@#king way you slow motherf@#ker" (I really do need to get on an anti depressant).  Getting back to the running shoes.  I drive over to Shoe Carnival.  Right when I walked in the sales associate (You will never see that at BEST BUY) said, "Can I help you?"... He looks down at my shoes and says he has the exact shoe on sale.  I was excited for about a minute when I realized they didn't have my size.  Well they had one pair of shoes my size still in stock, but locating them was impossible.  I scanned the sale rack and see a pair of black running shoes with white soles and white shoe laces, "I thought, "these will do" and I purchase them IMPULSIVELY.  I get home throw my old shoes in the trash, alone with the receipt and box of my new shoes right before the garbage man came. (Lucky Me)... Later that day I head to the gym with my new running shoes. I started my God Damn Walk and noticed my toes on the left foot starting hurting.  I thought I will just have to break them in and continued to walk.  OMG, 10 minutes into my walk the toes of my left foot where hurting bad. It felt like I had broken 3 toes.   I had to leave the gym, pissing away my walk day and thinking why would my left foot hurt and not the right.  Second Day I decided to put band-aids on my toes and continued to walk.  OMG 10 minutes into my walk the toes of my left foot where hurting again. I thought, "I'm F@#ked, I threw away the box and the receipt, $35.00 bucks down the drain!".  I get into my car and sped out of my neighborhood onto the interstate until I got to another shoe store. No parking spaces..."OMG OMG OMG, My Day Is Ruined, My Day Is Ruined, My Day Is Ruined, I'm a Psycho, I'm a Psycho, I'm a Psycho"....I finally find a place to park, I run inside, look for black shoes, find black shoes with pink soles and pink shoelaces and purchase them for $60.00 bucks.  I asked the sales clerk what was the return policy. She said I had 3 months to return them as long as they WERE NOT WORN.  I thought to myself, "How am I gunna know if the running shoe fit good unless I WEAR THEM.  I won't know until tomorrow if my new running shoes work out.  Moral of the Story... If you weree me, kill yourself now and get over with it or GET ON A GOD DAMN ANTIDEPRESSANT, Oh, and Maybe try your running shoes on FIRST.  The End~

75 % Of The World's Population MIght Be Mildy Retarded!

I was at the library today and the librarian that was helping was was was, I don't know, maybe Mildy Retarded?...Her shirt read, "I GEEK POETRY", I think she should have had a shirt that read, "I GEEK ZERO PERSONALITY"..... She looked like she was in her mid 30's, short hair, over weight, unkempt.  She mumbled when she talked.  I could barely understand her.  It seems I had a $30.00 fine, one book out and one magazine out.  I tried to explain to her I simply lost the book but I was pretty sure I turned in the magazine.  She kept grilling me about the book.   She said something like I couldn't get a new card until I paid the fine but they would look for the magazine then she gave me a new card which was my old card but I couldn't get a new card until I returned the book and magazine or paid the fine.  Did that make sense?.... You see what I mean?....She didn't make sense to me either.  "Mildly Retarded" popped into my head.  I am more like my dad than I care to admit.  First of all I like to call him Felix Unger because he reminds me so much of him.  My dad is a neat freak, obsessed about the cleanliness of his house, his yard, his car, his shoes, all hell, he's even obsessed about his appearance.  When I talk to my dad it's never simple conversations.  We don't talk about the weather, food, sports, hobbies, music,  or anything common.  We mainly talk about death, the after life, religion, jobs, careers, politics, and money. Wait a minute that doesn't sound right.  Just know that our conversations are seldom light. All my life I've always known my dad to judge people.  If you talked slow, moved slow, wobbled, looked down, stuttered, janky looking (that word just makes me laugh), you were labled, "Mildy Retarded".... My librarian was most of the above.  Over the years I have heard my dad say, he or she is "My God!!!, Mildy Retarded Poor Thing" that I know think 75% of the world's population might be.............................. Mildy Retarded.

I Was Walking Like I Had A Wet Virginia Slim Between My Legs, If You Know What I'm Sayin...

So I'm at the beach this week and decided to walk the beach for my usual exercise.  Back home I walk for one hour on a treadmill and then stop, not because I'm tired, but I'm bored out my damn mind.  I can walk for miles on a beach and never get tired or bored.  I love the sound of the ocean, I love to look for sea shells, seagulls, and of course it's always fun to people watch.  The weather was overcast so I decided to wear a flowing maxi dress and start my walk at the edge of the beach.  I started left of my condo and walked for a good hour, trying to decide when to turn back.  I wasn't tired or bored after the hour, but I said to myself, "well one hour walking to a distant condo, then one hour to walk back to my condo was good enough for the day."  As I was turning back I felt my the third degree burns between my thighs.  Let you in on a little fact about myself.  I have huge thunder thighs, bigger than Brittney Spears & Beyonce' ....Okay a lot bigger, but I'm Old.  God blessed me with small ankles and small wrist.  Ray Charles would be puzzled.   Getting back to my third degree burns on my inner thighs.   Okay, Okay, Okay, there were chafed.  OMG the inside of my thighs hurt like a motherf@#ker!   Here I am 3 miles away from my condo with no phone, no nothing.  It's not like I could have called my daughters and say, "Girls come pick up your Moma, I walked 3 miles to the left of our condo, the inside of my thighs are chafed, on fire, and I can't get back to our condo." How am I going to get back?", I said to myself.  I started my walk.  Let's just say I was walking wide.  I would stop every 10 minutes and splash ocean water between my legs.  I bet I looked Real Classy doing that.   I would say I was walking like a duck or a penguin, but I'm pretty sure those animals don't have a wide gait when they walk.  The thing that popped into my head was, "I Was Walking Like I Had A Wet Virginia Slim Between My Legs, If You Know What I'm Sayin..."   Well I made it back to my condo, close to tears, highly embarrassed, and swore to myself that I was going on a diet. Don't worry, 10,000 inner thigh lifts are also on my list too.  From My Beaches (Bitches) To Yours.... The End~

My Crazy Dream Last Night!

I was at band camp deep into the country.  Actually the middle of nowhere.  The  band camp finished  so I decided to walk to the casino for lunch.  The casino was a two story building.  I found the stripper show but I couldn't find the buffet.  Then I looked down the road and noticed that the band camp had left me.  I thought I had plenty of time.  I called home crying to my dad saying I was left behind at band camp.  I called home for my dad.  My daughter said my dad was in a meeting.  I kept crying and crying and then asked one of the strippers to call me a taxi for the one hour ride home.  The taxi driver pulled up in a house van, completely nude.  He was walking with a Jennie Doll.  He then strapped the Jennie Doll in the house van and put on a porno tape.  I asked the stripper will I'll get raped and murdered he said, "No, I will be fine".   Then I look up at the window and there was Danny Bonaduce spitting on it and trying to look into the house van.  Then I woke up.... PS I was watching bits and pieces of the Broadway show Kinky Boots on You Tube that night because the lead singer won a Tony so I was curious.   I guess that's where the strippers come to play into my dream.  The End~

My cmputer has a fuckng vrujs agan

 dn't wn a ceell phne all  have s my cmputer.  sn't ths sme sht.  Hw tdd ths ahppen.  t's the weeken s  have t wat untl mnday mtherfucker 'm s  Psssecd.   Hw d   gert vrus.    seear t g G d that 'm nt l nt lkng at Prn.  Mtherfucker seems my cmputer lkes the wrd Mtherfucker.  Bete Me... Kss My ASS.  Snfg a Btgch.  Cu/////bnt\\\\Damn t t Hell, LGater!

The Pu**y That Smells Like Peaches!

Well Desiree you have sunken to an all time low with that title.   "Yeah, I'm 50 years old and "life's too short to really care at all" as that song goes.  My biggest fear (not really my biggest) is to smell like Pee.  I went to a nursing home for 20 years to visit my mother and the first thing you smell when you walk inside a nursing home is Pee.  The nursing homes try to hide the smell with Pine-sol but it still smells like Pee with a hint of Pine-sol.  Women that wear femine hygeine spray smells like femine hygeine spray.  It has a certain smell, even the ones that are marked baby powder, still smell like femine hygeine spray.  It's not just an old lady thing because I went to an outside wedding in California last summer and got a wiff of some young girls on the dance floor.  Let me tell you, they smelled so bad that pushing them into a algae filled lake would have upgraded their smell.  Yesterday, I was in a hurry (I'm always in a hurry on the femine hygeine aisle of the store).  You will never find me browsing the aisle to look at the different products, it's just plain embarrassing (but not too embarrassing to write about it, ay?).  I picked up a different femine hygine product that read Tropical Paradise.  I threw it in my buggy and piled a bunch of groceries on top.  Didn't think much about it until I was headed to the gym.  I grabbed my femine hygeine  spray and the first thing I  noticed was the power of the spray.  "Wow, I thought, nice coverage".... Then the smell hit me.  It smelled like peaches.  I no longer reak of VaJayJay spray, My Pu**y Smells Like Peaches!~PS Just call me Kris Jenner~The End~

Graduation/Valedictorian Speech... "To Be Honest, It's Gunna Be A Shitty Life"

I'm at a graduation ceremony listening to an 18 year old Valedictorian giving ME, or rather the auditorium, a speech on life.  First of all, let me say that the Valedictorian, many times, is the one that flunks out of college. The parents have drilled them so hard in high school, by college they are burned out and have just discovered POT.   The Valedictorian starts off by saying,  "You can be ANYTHING you want to be."  Stop right there!  I'm 50 years old, I always wanted to be a Solid Gold Dancer and that dream passed way over me three decades ago. "Work Hard and Perservere," he says, "because the sky is the limit". He should have said, " The Milky Way," because the sky hasn't been the ceiling since 1957 when Sputnik 1 entered space. He goes onto saying,  "Never Be Satisfied." Wait, hold up.....Are you kidding me?... I'm never Satisfied and that's why I take a HANDFUL OF PSYCHOTROPIC DRUGS, in hopes of being Slightly Satisfied.  "Be Strong," he goes on to say, then finds out his parents filed for divorce two weeks before graduation, hoping the divorce would be final while he's on senior trip.  "Dream Big." Well, I want to travel the world but so far "My Dreams" are pretty much "A Dream." Let me predict how it's gunna be.  The kids that start working full time at 18 are gunna work at a SHITTY JOB for 50 years because 40 years at a SHITTY JOB is not pratical in this day and age.  The kids that go to college are delaying getting a SHITTY JOB by four, six, eight years or maybe ten years depending on how much debt the parents are willing to take or they have topped off on their student loans.  To be truthful, I know Doctors that hate their SHITTY JOB, and I'm not just talking about the Gastroenterologists... Lets see, these college kids will finally start their SHITTY JOB, many we marry and have children where the odds are 50/50 that they will not stay together. Married or Single, they will still have to work until they die working at their SHITTY JOB.  If you think I'm being cynical then you are not on the Infamous Facebook where people HATE their Jobs so much that they start trying to celebrate the weekend starting on Hump Day Wednesday (I don't know what this means to Old People, the only thing they are Humping is patting the Hump on their back they got walking decrepitly towards their SHITTY JOB), then it's Thirsty Thursday....TGIF.... and finally Tailgate Saturday where everyone relives The Good Ole' Glory School Days when they didn't have to work at a SHITTY JOB....Then it's ONE day of recovering from their FOUR day Binge Drinking, then it's back to their SHITTY JOB. The End~

THAT DAMN BITCH!

I haven't written any blogs in awhile because I guess I've been depressed.  I decided last night to go through my sewing stash and get rid of fabric.  When I say I got rid of fabric, that's  an understatement.  I went into a frenzy and threw 13 years of fabric away.  It filled up one large outside trash can, and I have two large totes ready to give away to my sewing buddies.  I have to say it was very emotional to give away my fabric.  My youngest daughter kept asking me "Where's my blue blanket, Where's my blue blanket?"....Look at me, I kept all this stupid fabric over the years, but threw away my daughter's baby blue nursery blanket that was embriodered and very tattered (thinking I would just make her a new one).  I burst out into tears and kept saying, "I was sorry, I was sorry, moma threw it away"..... I couldn't stop sobbing,  On one crazy impulse day I decided to get rid of stuff and the blue tattered blanket was one of them.     One of my older daughters decided to go through this closet  hoping maybe, just maybe I had somehow saved the blue blanket and really didn't throw it away afterall. She didn't find the blanket but found a journal I had written about my daughters when they were little.  It was only about 20 pages or so, after my misscarriage I went into another depression and stop writing.  My 4 girls would read aloud each page from this journal, it was though they couldn't get enough of my stories.  All of a sudden this rush of guilt came over me that I didn't write more about our family.  All I have are these 20 pages and now my memoir.  I guess that would be enough for most people, but not for me.  I am now going to write more, if not for the public, then for my daughters.  Whats with the title of this blog?...Well I was at the library with other local authors for this thing called Auther's Rowe.   This snooty lady author/editor next to me told me not to write about me and my life because that's not important but write for the public and write what the public was interested in.....THAT DAMN BITCH!

I Can't Get My Shit Together!

I'm going to bed around 3:00am on average.  I'm too embarrassed to say what time I get up.  I'm in deep depression and I know it.  My Psychiatrist tried to put me on an anti depressant a couple of months back but it made me wake up too much during the night and we all know how OCD Desiree is about her sleep.  "Her world is all about getting those 8 hours of sleep."  It's been my obession for 28 years now.  That's a long time to have an obsession.  I even hate Fucking facebook.  The one thing that brought me out of depression 4 years ago has brought me back into it.  I don't know, I just don't like the format at all anymore.  It's become a Fucking Betty Crocker Cook Book.  I'm not intereste. When I first got on Fucking facebook I was so excited to catch up on people I haven't seen since highschool.  I would write and write and people would respond and respond.  We joked and shared laughs, it was fun.  Now fucking facebook is a CHORE.  I would say I like 10% of this social media.  I can't deactivate my account because all my pictures tell a story so I'm stuck. I'm stuck in a Fucking Facebook rut.  "Desiree I know how impulsive you are"...."Don't Deactivate, Don't Deactivate, Don't Deactivate"...."Well Desiree what about your sewing, quilting, & crocheting?....Biking?.....We thought you liked all that?"...."No, all that's becoming a Fucking CHORE too.  "What about your dancing?... "We all know you love to dance"....."Well I hate my hair and my eyelashes fall off, so I can't go dancing"...."How about books and movies?"..... "You use to love them"......."My standards for movies are pretty high and books, well a book really has to be something I'm interested in, and I can tell you for a fact I don't EVER read what everyone else is reading (nobody lean me books, I won't read them).... "So Desiree what has become your new obsession or pleasure?"....Obsession>Documentaries.....Pleasure>1st cup of coffee at noon and that's about it!......"Desiree,  I reread everything you just typed, it really sounds like you need an anti-depressant."......YOU THINK??????

Things I Hate Today!

Taxman wants money I ain't got.  Obama 5%?....  Really?....Try a MINUS 1OO % then you can feel my pain.

Things I Hate Today!

Someone hit and dented my vehicle at the mall and left a note.   The same day my daughter's friend hit and dented her vehicle, no police report was done and the vehicle's estimate is $1,600.  Finding peanut butter floating in the jelly.  Finding coffee lumps in the sugar, and toast crumbs on the butter~I HATE LIFE TODAY!

Clang Association?

Help me with my Clang Association.... Edgar Aleen Poe, Stabbed the Ugly Crow, Just like Desiree his is Bi Polar, To be happy they both need lots of Solar, Never made money as a Writer, So glad Desiree is still a Fighter....That's all I got and it's pretty bad, which is really sad, that makes me mad....I must not have the "Clang"