I almost lost a TOE, so my moma could Sew!

When I was 5 years old I was sitting basically at my mother's feet while she was trying to sew.  She was sitting in a small utility room with not much space.  My oldest sister and my playmate was at school and I was bored. My mother was not a very good sewer because she seldom sewed.  She would get a whim or an idea and would quit.  I on the other have have lots of whims & ideas but I've always been persisstant & I'm  basically DRIVEN TO MADNESS...llike I always say. My mother was Bi Polar but nobody knew anything in the 1960's & 70's until her nervous breakdown at age 33.  I recently found her commitment papers from April 16th, 1973 (my oldest sister's birthday was the the next day, the 17th that caught my eye)  The Psychiatrist wrote on the commiment papers that she suffered Mania and when she did, she was anorexic.  It also said she felt hopeless and worthlessness but denied sucidal thoughts.  I'm rambling.  I gotta go back to the title.  I kept bugging my moma for attention, so when she scooted back her chair she got my baby toe.  In my 5 year old mind I would say it was hanging by a thread.  That's a Pun right?  I start crying, and she gets mad.  So she brings me to the bathtub, rinses the blood off my toe (that is hanging by a thread) and tells me to go Run & Play.  Maybe that's why I have a high tolerance for pain and I'm not very good with sick people.  I will do anything for my daughters if there were sick, my husband knows not to even come to me unless he had his own death certificate in his hands.  I CAN'T HANDLE NO BABY BOO BOO HUSBAND cuz Desiree HAS ALWAYS TAKEN CARE OF HER BABY BOO BOO DAMN SELF.  I say if I can come within one hour of almost bleeding to death from a miscarriage gone bad, I am ONE TOUGH COOKIE.  Fastforward a week and my moma is trying to take a nap.  I had just finished watching Dark Shadows (what the hell kinda show was that, For God's Sake?)  I had a stash of fabric and I kept asking my Moma to sew me some Barbie Doll Clothes. I kept saying, "Moma, Moma, Moma, Make Me Some Barbie Doll Clothes".... She would say, "Desiree take a nap, No Desiree leave me alone I'm tired, Later Desiree, Later Desiree".... I would say Come on Moma, Make Me Some Barbie Doll Clothes Moma, Moma, Moma, Moma.... Finally she grabs the scraps and takes 2 stitches and gives it back to me.  I thought to myself, "This doesn't look like Barbie Clothes, not even close.".....It was like she was giving me rags to dress my Barbie.   My sister finally gets off the school bus, then off to outside we play till dark......Fastforward to middle school where I was in the choir.... Why I was in the choir, I have no clue..... I have the worst voice imaginable, but I can dance to anything.  Our choir was going to a local competition and I needed a Royal Blue V Neck Shift Shirt, Zipper In The Back With a Gold Capital A that was made of felt on the front for the name of our school....Armstrong.  I remember all the little girls getting on the bus with their Perfect Royal Blue V Neck Shift Shirts with their Perfect Gold Appliqued A on the front,  There was Desiree with a bunched up Royal Blue Shit Shirt with a Crooked Gold Appliqued Capital A.  I was Humilated.... Maybe that is why I've learned to sew......  Was that a Freudian Thing You Think?......... or...... Maybe just a Gift I was Born  With?.... Who knows..... Maybe it was Simply a TOE Thing....The End~

I Have A Restless Soul!

I was talking to my dad today, who I like to call Felix Unger because he reminds me of him in EVERYWAY.  I said, "Felix" do you know I have a Restless Soul, and I'm never satisfied with life?  He said, "Well that's good daughter, it's good to be restless and never satisfied because that means you have Drive."..... That could also mean I suffer Depression too, but "Felix" tells me when I feel down go mow the grass and clip hedges.  Even though 2 of his daughters suffer mental illness he can't quiet seem to grasp that concept.  Then I said, "Felix, I don't forgive, forget, and I burn a lot of bridges.  I also said, "I don't have many friends and I constanly delete friends & family members from facebook simply for not responding if I asked a  question, so I don't think a lot of people will be at your funeral."  He said, "DESIREE YOU NEED TO GO TALK TO A PRIEST.  I said I did and the priest told me to say the rosary.  I told the priest I look at rosaries and think to myself, "I can make these and sell them at a craft show".  Has my father forgotten what I wrote in my memoir?..... I had my finger in the face of a traveling catholic monk telling him that his Relaxing CD's didn't do SHIT for me, and I was STILL SICK.  I probably didn't say that exactly in my memoir, I probaby "sugar coated" that incident in 2010.  You know you are incorrigable when a Priest says, "You might want to talk to a Professional as in a Psychiatrist.",,,, Then "Felix" says go talk to that nun you like so much...... Well I did.  She told me to write a testimony and bring it to her personally.  It seems other things I have given the Nunnery don't quite get to the nun.  So I type a letter called Love, Laughter, and The Lord.  I thought it was hilarious. I know my nun as a great sense of humor she will get it, she will get it (I really thought she would)..... But not thoses Phony Balonys working for her will..... Guess what happened after I hand delivered my funny Testimony?....NOTHING....I saw were the Nunnery was having a Barn Dance to raise money....WOW, I didn't know Jesus danced and besides that Bridge Is Now Burned....REJECTION REJECTION REJECTION BAD LUCK BAD LUCK BAD LUCK.....My Deep Seeded Depression is so BAD my Psychiatrist has me on a Mood Stablizer which seems to work about Half A Day then I go back to being PISSY.  So lets go through this again.  I Have A Restless Soul, I'm Never Satisfied, I Don't Forgive, I Don't Forget, I Burn Bridges, I Tell Off A Catholic Monks and I'm PISSY!......See you later I'm going to Mow the F@#kin Grass!

Would You Like A Slice Of Mold?

I HATE TO COOK & I HATE TO BAKE, so me going to STATE for a DEMONSTRATION in COOKING for 4-H is hard to believe.  I was a junior in high school when I won 1st place in the Bread & Cereal or The Bread & Nuts or The Bread & Whatever Category for the Parish where I grew up.  If I said Parish you know I'm from Louisiana.  It was a hard time for me and my brother & sister.  You the know the common story, divorced parents and a step parent who really doesn't want a bunch of kids. I loved my High School English Teacher.  I would have done anything for her.  She was a really good teacher.  Teacher if you are reading this blog, I'm sorry for all grammatical & puntcuation errors, I like to write like I talk (it's my excuse that I am using these days.)  She was in charge of all of us 4-H'ers in High School (Poor Thing).  She needed someone to do a demonstration so I volunteered.  The 4-H Coordinator for the Parish came to my house and helped me write my demonstration,  The item she choose for me to demonstrate was PINEAPPLE & CARROT QUICK BREAD..... YUCK!!!....  I was too shy to tell her I didn't like the recipe (imagine that).  I would practice and  practice and practice and practice.  I had a knack for total memorization, but I couldn't in a MILLION years EVER talk "off the cuff" as they say.  To my surprise I won 1st place.  If you won 1st place that meant you were off to STATE to compete with everyone in Louisiana in that catagory.  Getting back to my home life, it was miserable.  My step parent didn't want to be bothered with getting the ingredients I needed and really never wanted us near the kitchen to be honest.  We were to stay in our bedrooms mostly.  Outta sight, Outta mind I guess.  Well I knew STATE was getting near so I baked the Quick Carrot & Pineapple an ENTIRE WEEK (unrefrigerated) before STATE because that was the only time I could get my ingredients and get into the kitchen.  My dad brings me to Crowley, Louisiana where the school bus was being loaded with a bunch of teenagers headed to Baton Rouge, Louisiana for the STATE competition.  All the parents were happy & giddy, making sure their child had EVERYTHING except for me.  When I arrived in Baton Rouge I realized that a lot of the girls that I was competing with had their mothers.  Their mother's made sure their child had access to a kitchen for their "prized recipe".  I remember one girl in particular had a chef hat on, a matching apron, and SHE WAS MAKING PIZZA.  But there is Desiree with her 1 week old (not refrigerated) PINEAPPLE & CARROT QUICK BREAD...YUCK!!!  I didn't have the right ingredients neither.  My step parent wouldn't go buy me some baking powder, so I used Flour.  My demonstration was not the 1st one to be seen for competition that week.  My demonstration doesn't take place until 3 days later making my PINEAPPLE & CARROT QUICK BREAD...YUCK!!!...10 DAYS OLD.... Finally it was my turn to do my demonstration.  I "Nailed It"... using my fake "baking powder".  The judges wanted to taste my "Creation".... I PANICKED... I might lack common sense, but I knew enough to know that my "Creation" had molded.  With shaking hands, I slice my "PINEAPLLE & CARROT QUICK BREAD..YUCK, YUCK, YUCK!!! and gave it to the judges.  I saw the look on their faces.  The judges looked at each other and mouthed, "it's spoiled".  So they then tell me to go to the kitchen and bake what I just demonstrated.   I shyly left the room, found the dorm kitchen and baked my "Creation" that lacked baking powder.  It didn't rise at all, it actually deflated.  I then went back to the judges and gave them a Good Ole' Slice of Desiree's "Creation".....Now I was doubeley MORTIFIED..... No, I didn't win 1st place, I didn't even place 20th...... but the Pizza Girl did....... SHE WON 1st PLACE!... Since then I have stayed away from combining Carrots & Pineapples..... NEVER to be eaten TOGETHER again, especially in a BREAD.....YUCK!!!