THAT DAMN BITCH!

I haven't written any blogs in awhile because I guess I've been depressed.  I decided last night to go through my sewing stash and get rid of fabric.  When I say I got rid of fabric, that's  an understatement.  I went into a frenzy and threw 13 years of fabric away.  It filled up one large outside trash can, and I have two large totes ready to give away to my sewing buddies.  I have to say it was very emotional to give away my fabric.  My youngest daughter kept asking me "Where's my blue blanket, Where's my blue blanket?"....Look at me, I kept all this stupid fabric over the years, but threw away my daughter's baby blue nursery blanket that was embriodered and very tattered (thinking I would just make her a new one).  I burst out into tears and kept saying, "I was sorry, I was sorry, moma threw it away"..... I couldn't stop sobbing,  On one crazy impulse day I decided to get rid of stuff and the blue tattered blanket was one of them.     One of my older daughters decided to go through this closet  hoping maybe, just maybe I had somehow saved the blue blanket and really didn't throw it away afterall. She didn't find the blanket but found a journal I had written about my daughters when they were little.  It was only about 20 pages or so, after my misscarriage I went into another depression and stop writing.  My 4 girls would read aloud each page from this journal, it was though they couldn't get enough of my stories.  All of a sudden this rush of guilt came over me that I didn't write more about our family.  All I have are these 20 pages and now my memoir.  I guess that would be enough for most people, but not for me.  I am now going to write more, if not for the public, then for my daughters.  Whats with the title of this blog?...Well I was at the library with other local authors for this thing called Auther's Rowe.   This snooty lady author/editor next to me told me not to write about me and my life because that's not important but write for the public and write what the public was interested in.....THAT DAMN BITCH!

I Can't Get My Shit Together!

I'm going to bed around 3:00am on average.  I'm too embarrassed to say what time I get up.  I'm in deep depression and I know it.  My Psychiatrist tried to put me on an anti depressant a couple of months back but it made me wake up too much during the night and we all know how OCD Desiree is about her sleep.  "Her world is all about getting those 8 hours of sleep."  It's been my obession for 28 years now.  That's a long time to have an obsession.  I even hate Fucking facebook.  The one thing that brought me out of depression 4 years ago has brought me back into it.  I don't know, I just don't like the format at all anymore.  It's become a Fucking Betty Crocker Cook Book.  I'm not intereste. When I first got on Fucking facebook I was so excited to catch up on people I haven't seen since highschool.  I would write and write and people would respond and respond.  We joked and shared laughs, it was fun.  Now fucking facebook is a CHORE.  I would say I like 10% of this social media.  I can't deactivate my account because all my pictures tell a story so I'm stuck. I'm stuck in a Fucking Facebook rut.  "Desiree I know how impulsive you are"...."Don't Deactivate, Don't Deactivate, Don't Deactivate"...."Well Desiree what about your sewing, quilting, & crocheting?....Biking?.....We thought you liked all that?"...."No, all that's becoming a Fucking CHORE too.  "What about your dancing?... "We all know you love to dance"....."Well I hate my hair and my eyelashes fall off, so I can't go dancing"...."How about books and movies?"..... "You use to love them"......."My standards for movies are pretty high and books, well a book really has to be something I'm interested in, and I can tell you for a fact I don't EVER read what everyone else is reading (nobody lean me books, I won't read them).... "So Desiree what has become your new obsession or pleasure?"....Obsession>Documentaries.....Pleasure>1st cup of coffee at noon and that's about it!......"Desiree,  I reread everything you just typed, it really sounds like you need an anti-depressant."......YOU THINK??????

Things I Hate Today!

Taxman wants money I ain't got.  Obama 5%?....  Really?....Try a MINUS 1OO % then you can feel my pain.

Things I Hate Today!

Someone hit and dented my vehicle at the mall and left a note.   The same day my daughter's friend hit and dented her vehicle, no police report was done and the vehicle's estimate is $1,600.  Finding peanut butter floating in the jelly.  Finding coffee lumps in the sugar, and toast crumbs on the butter~I HATE LIFE TODAY!

Clang Association?

Help me with my Clang Association.... Edgar Aleen Poe, Stabbed the Ugly Crow, Just like Desiree his is Bi Polar, To be happy they both need lots of Solar, Never made money as a Writer, So glad Desiree is still a Fighter....That's all I got and it's pretty bad, which is really sad, that makes me mad....I must not have the "Clang"

Turning 50!

Turning 50 is Pretty Nifty, That being said, I guess it's better than being DEAD!